somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
