Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
