So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
