His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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