Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
