I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
