Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
