That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
