just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
