We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
