Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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