So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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