You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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