when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize