people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
