I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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