I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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