Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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