I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We are two peas in an std pod
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
