im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
