I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
too bad you live with your parents still
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
