tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
