and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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