The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
