my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
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