please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
