So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
