Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
