Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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