lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
