Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She told me I should be a condom model.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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