My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
