i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
