they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
