You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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