He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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