I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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