Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
