I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
