Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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