You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
