Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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