Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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