covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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