ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
