Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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