So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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