forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
