The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
