Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
