Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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