Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
