This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Houston, we have a squirter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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