hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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