I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
