She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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