There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize