we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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