dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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