I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
