I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize