yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
