Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
