she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
