What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
