Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
