I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
