If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
