on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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