Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
