Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
