Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
