New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
